I’m quite happy with the boundary I’ve set for myself. The whole thing has led to me wonder if it’s worth having an album of nudes on hand but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to. I’m hardly regretting the occasions where not sending nudes has led to me not getting freaky with someone else. If you met someone in a bar and you wanted to go home together, would you expect someone to stand there in the middle of a crowded dancefloor with their trousers around their ankles before making your mind up? Probably not. Whatever your thoughts are on sending nudes, let’s look at it from another angle. These dismissive comments put emphasis on people to ‘raise their game,’ while also adding pressure on people to bare themselves completely, and also undermining the work of the ‘Kindr’ campaign, which aimed to make the app a more friendly place. “The visual leads to the drive to desire and to be desired,” he added. What Grindr does is makes you raise your game,” Grindr founder Joel Simkhai once told the New York Times. “People criticize it for being superficial, but I didn’t invent that in human nature. Sometimes Grindr culture can be harmful to mental health (Image: Unsplash) We should all feel OK about ourselves enough to do that. All I can say is, I’ll be honest if you ask me anything. I get concerns about people being honest with each other on Grindr. But why does that mean having to disclose absolutely everything? And why is it a dealbreaker if I don’t? Especially when I’ve shown so much already.
We’re on Grindr, something most people use principally for sex. Is that such a bad thing? I’d like to think we can all agree that it’s not.Īnd I get it. It’s about setting a boundary and maintaining some privacy. It’s also not, as one person recently suggested, me being secretive. If that were the case, I wouldn’t be sending any scantily clad pictures with almost reckless abandon! My body issues are completely unrelated to my trunk and my junk. I’m actually very happy with what I’ve got. I’ve explained that to guys and, most of the time, people have understood. Underwear pictures are as far as I’m willing to go right now. So, as a result, I chose to set a boundary for myself. I also think it’s nice to save something for when I meet someone in person, and plainly I don’t think I should have to share everything. Plus, asking for nudes plays into the toxicity of size queen-ism. Even now, with albums on Grindr that can’t be screenshotted, I’m not convinced people can’t still make copies. A rise in revenge porn, where in some cases women have lived this exact situation, proves my concern is not without reason. I’ve also worried about what someone will do with my nudes, that the images could be posted online without my consent for thousands to see. My mental health has definitely suffered as a result of Grindr in the past. I’m sure it’s a behaviour many have also experienced. When I did I was sometimes judged and shamed before being blocked, if not just blocked right away. Certainly, in my earlier days on the app, I wasn’t ready to share that kind of content, but I felt that I needed to in order to get anywhere. Now, personally, I choose not to send nudes on Grindr. Should we have to share everything? (Image: Unsplash) Now, with time and experience, I have a healthy relationship with the app.īut one thing that has come up on a few occasions has been the expectation that a guy should see every single inch of me before deciding if I’m worth bothering with. Initially, I was put off by the candid and down-to-business nature of users.
Over the years my relationship with Grindr has evolved. ResMed director speaks to myGwork about journey of self-discovery and authenticity.Zara Larsson on her new LP, working with MNEK, and starring in her first film: ‘I just thought, f**k it’.Yes, it was also partly about sex, and yes, it did also lead to me being nearly outed but I was grateful for the community I found. Longing for the company of fellow gays I turned to Grindr.įor the first time, I was speaking to people who were open about who they were. I was really struggling with coming to terms with my sexuality. Back in 2013, I was in the last year of my undergrad and deep in the closet. It’s been about 10 years since I first downloaded Grindr.
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